I’m so fucking stupid. Yes, the weekend was full of fun but I royally fucked it up. I said so many stupid things. I tried so fucking hard to do everything right but it all seemed like none of it was right. It looked like I annoyed her more than I made her smile, laugh, omg laugh, she just didn’t like she used to. Like she was annoyed with everything I said. I wanted to say so much before I dropped her off but instead, I just held it in like usual. I should have had some kind of closure tonight but instead, I chickened out. Like usual, I am the reason for my own despair. I cause my own problems by being a problem. So, as she has said, I’m going to leave it at the rail. If she chooses to say anything to me in the next couple of days or not. It’ll all be up to her. I’m done reaching out. I’m done breaking my own heart. If I keep going down this path, I will ultimately kill myself. Either physically or emotionally. One or the other will happen, but the latter feels like it already has. I’m so fucking stupid I swear.