It’s been a bit,hasn’t it, blog? How have you been getting on since I started taking medication for my depression. Have you missed me? I haven’t missed my depression but I also haven’t really rid myself of it either. It’s always there, but the meds keep me from writing the words that my heart wants to spill here. Even though these thoughts are my own, I don’t find the same satisfaction spilling my guts out unless there is so much despair in my heart. Might be that I haven’t taken anything in a few days maybe. I feel like it’s only been a day but my sleep schedule, I really don’t even know. But, let me catch you up on the things.
Last week I felt like I had the happiest and the most confusing night of my life in a while. I went over to hangout with Emily as we ate and drank. It was a good time of talking and watching her show but then her friend wanted to come by and spill a bunch tea he had no one else he could tell. She assured me that I had nothing to worry about with him and I choose to believe her. They talked about things and then they decided to talk about things without me, which absolutely made me nuts with jealousy but, I trusted her. I know that I have no claim to her since we are not together, but I do trust her. The night went on, she was drunker than ever and well it got to a point where her friend was telling me about how she’ll be back with me again at some point. After he left, we cuddle for a bit while she was drunk and I was just trying to make sure she was going to be ok. She had to puke and I was there to help hold her hair back. Doing the things I expect me to do for her.
Well, today, I wanted to do something with her while she went and got the bike she wanted. I knew she was extremely tired from work and probably wasn’t just going to go out of her way to get, so I brought her there. She was a little distant. It would appear, the alcohol revealed more about how she felt about me and without it, her intentions to be on her own instead were much stronger, I think. I don’t know. Just how I felt. After her crazy week, I wasn’t going to push it.
Well, anyways, we get to the dealership and they didn’t have anymore of the bike she wanted. The bike I want is still there but this whole needing to buy a new house is getting in the way. It’ll have to wait until I can figure out what’s going on with that.
Anyways, I guess this means I’m still alive. I’m still, depressed. The only thing that really brings me true happiness is doing things for her. So nothing there has changed. Just more depressed than usual.