I don’t get it. It’s been so long now and yet, I still miss her. I want to hear from her. I want to know how she’s doing. I want see her. I want to hold her. I want my every waking moments to be with her. It hurts so much knowing that she’s trying to be happy with others while I sit here crying in my shame. She’s trying to be happy and wants me to find my happiness too and yet I’m still sad. Still wallowing in my sorrow. I don’t have the will smile anymore. I just get by. I don’t care about being happy. I just am whatever the hell this is. I’m breathing. So I guess I’m living but I’m not living. I’m just existing. Taking up space in a world full people. I’m not useless on the outside world. I’m just useless to my inside world. I don’t try because I don’t care. I don’t care about being happy because why should I be. I deserve to be miserable. I deserve to be sad. I did this to myself. I did this to my life. I let my stupid pride get the better of me. I let my pride ruin my life. Why do I always end up trying to write poetry? It’s the little lies that I use to trick my mind. Lying to my brain. Lying to my pride. I think I’m smart or something by writing my thoughts but these thoughts are empty. Nothing more than one man’s thoughts. A thinking man alone in his mind is a horrible place for a person to die. Yet here I am, a thinking man, dying alone in his mind with nothing to show.