Passionate Writings

The ceiling laughs at my stupidity.   Waking up in a flash of pain.   Dripping in sweat.   Afraid of what the dreams were   Never knowing what they were about.   Was I running?   Was I fighting?   Did I lose the battle   or has the war just begun?  Am I fighting demons with sword and shield  or am…

Running through my mind screaming through the void  No one can hear me scream but I can still hear the void  It’s always laughing at me making my memories my most hated moments  Crashing through the sadness of a life that was better before this  My mind crashing through layer after layer of happy moments  …

Sleep lines on my face  Waking up a disgrace  Never feeling rest  It all feels like a test  Letting myself down  Trying not to drown  Drown in my dreams  Flowing through the streams   My life’s greatest passions  Killed by an assassin  Only to find myself crashing  I wake up alone  Feeling so alone   In a…

I don’t understand You don’t love me You don’t hate me You keep me around like I’m a clown Still in love Still feeling down Regretting the days we used have Regretting the times we used to play Regretting the ways we used smile Just regretting what we used to have Regrets, regrets, regrets My…

Burnt on the inside Raw on the outside Time feels broken Life ticking away Does time stand still in it’s moments Fleeting Does time hold on to the moment Weeping There’s time for crying There’s time for dying My insides trying to find the moments My heart dying to hold them My mind breaking and…

My soul smashed into a million pieces. Everything. All of it. Nothing left. Just pieces. The dust of a thousand moments blown away by the true words she didn’t say. She wouldn’t tell me why. She wouldn’t tell me when I was here bleeding my soul out to her. I, taking the blade myself to…

My life’s a mess. I’m always stressed. It feels like my mind is rotting from time’s constant ticking and tocking never stopping. When does it end? When will I bend? Bend to the will of my pain. Bend to the will of my shame. Nothing feels the same. Nothing I can feel but pain. The…

I don’t get it. It’s been so long now and yet, I still miss her. I want to hear from her. I want to know how she’s doing. I want see her. I want to hold her. I want my every waking moments to be with her. It hurts so much knowing that she’s trying…

I said some words I didn’t regret. I said some words I did. The words they came. The words then went. I found myself angry saying the words again in agony. Realizing the stupidity. The stupidity of my sanity. I destroy myself. I destroy my life. All because I want what was lost. I want…

Why do I even bother? My life is starting to just crash out. My life feels so very empty. I said too much yesterday but on top of that, I heard too much. So much more than I wanted to hear. I don’t want to hear the words. I hate it so much. I fucking…

I’m some kind of stupid. I let myself do these things that I shouldn’t. She tells me these things I don’t want to hear. She knows that it hurts me but she says them because she’s happy about them. I know she is with someone else and she knows how I feel about her and…

I keep doing this to myself. I know it’s not what she wants but also, I’m not getting what I want. She knows I love her and yet she keeps leaving me in the “I care about you but we’re not doing that again” place. I have no idea if she’s actually happy with who…

Walking a path unwanted is a gloomy one. I never asked for all this despair like I didn’t ask the weather to be kind to me today. The clouds telling me that the light is right there but you can’t have it this day. Those days of sun kissed happiness are behind me now. What…

Like a flower, it’s petals stand out alone while surrounded by others. I am going alone without the one I wanted by my side for this adventure. It seems stupid that I should find myself depressed to be going on vacation. Many folks constantly telling me, “Have fun and enjoy yourself!” Yeah sure. Ok. How…

Here I lay thinking of her still Here I lay wondering why I love her still My heart a mess My heart in distress I look at my arm A tattoo for Mom now on my arm Would she smile Would she think I’m senile Would Mom think I’m a fool Would she think I’m…

Why am I still feeling this way? My dread is filling my soul with a never ending feeling of regret still. This pain cuts so fucking deep. I told her that I’d wait forever and the reaction was so, “Yeah ok,” that it’s crushing my insides. I’m really trying to not be like this but…

I’m basically thru. Done. Finished. The memories are going to forget stay just that. Memories. I have been told what it was, why it couldn’t, and where it didn’t. My soul is completely crush. My heart completely broken. Her happiness is different now. Learning how I truly fucked it up is the worst. It was…

I’ve been told that I need to stop kicking my own ass all of the time. I’m really trying but it’s not been easy. I will say that doubling up on the meds has been helping I think. The extremely overly emotional and depressing feelings have been curbed a little but it doesn’t solve the…

I should be happy with myself I should be happy in my soul Yet all I feel is hurt All I feel is coal This coal ready to fire Fire up my life Tell me everything is going to be alright It’s not burning It’s not shining It’s got no fuel to bring good tidings…

I guess I can’t do anything right still. Me being concerned and it seeming over bearing in my mind was all I was saying. I just felt like I did everything wrong and I didn’t know what was going on. I’ll just shut up now I guess.

I really need to just let her be. She doesn’t need me hovering over her. She’s trying to be her own person again. I didn’t help with that. Instead I tried to do too much because I care too much. I didn’t want to make harder for her but I’m the problem and I know…

These last few weeks have been truly amazing but then I come back home no better than I was. Yeah sure, she tolerates me. We enjoy each other’s company but in the end, I can’t get her to want me back. I kills me that I love her so much still. It kills me that…

I really wish it was me that she messaged daily. I wish I were the one she reached out to first. I had that. I don’t anymore. After next week, I’ll just have to see where we stand because I can’t take this anymore.