Why do I even bother? My life is starting to just crash out. My life feels so very empty. I said too much yesterday but on top of that, I heard too much. So much more than I wanted to hear. I don’t want to hear the words. I hate it so much. I fucking hate it so much. I just want to kill myself. I’ve never ever felt like actually doing it but as of late, the thoughts have become to much more vivid. The thoughts have flooded my mind of late. Why do they do that to me? Why should I even fucking still care? WHY?! BECAUSE I FUCKING DO! I love her so much still and yet I just fucked it all up being a stupid fucking idiot. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew that there were problems with me. There were problems in my thinking. I knew this. I’m trying to fix this. My mind is a mess. My mind is so stressed. I just want to stop existing. I want to disappear. I want to just go away. If I go away, nothing will change though. My life will be missing but the world will go on. Just without me. Without my ever present despair. The world doesn’t need that. I’m not worth the air I’m breathing. Why do I think these things? I think them because the only person I want in my life to love me back in return doesn’t want me back. The person I love the most in this world has decided to leave me behind but keep me around. How am I supposed to live like this? I’m choosing to live like this. If I stopped living, I’d lose my chance to have it again. Even if I don’t have that chance again, I can’t let that chance slip passed me again. I don’t even have the chance but no matter what, she knows that I’m ready to take her back even after everything that’s happened, I’m ready to have her in my life again. I don’t give a shit. I just want her back. I sound like a crazy person. A crazy ex that I would see as problem for others. Now I’m the problem and I can’t understand how to stop being that. I’m so fucked having been in love with someone I want back in my life. Someone I want back as more than just friends. I hate just being friends. I’m a broken man. A broken soul.