Why am I still feeling this way? My dread is filling my soul with a never ending feeling of regret still. This pain cuts so fucking deep. I told her that I’d wait forever and the reaction was so, “Yeah ok,” that it’s crushing my insides.

I’m really trying to not be like this but I am sooo fucking upset with the regret still. How can it still be this way? How am I still wrecked with pain of a loss so deep and it’s not even death. Just the death of a love I so painfully want back in my life.

It’s crazy how we have so many great conversations and yet we can’t share the love we used to. I really miss the love we had but we can’t because I squandered that feeling on stupid doubt and fears this world would destroy us. In some ways it did but in other ways, it’s because I let it get like that. It was my stupidity that did that.

I miss the “I love you” and the hugs and the kisses. I just miss us just being there with each other. When I’m going to bed, I just have the body pillow to the side so that I can pretend I have her head on my chest. How pitiful is that? It’s so sad, for real.