Walking a path unwanted is a gloomy one. I never asked for all this despair like I didn’t ask the weather to be kind to me today. The clouds telling me that the light is right there but you can’t have it this day. Those days of sun kissed happiness are behind me now. What I want versus what I have are two separate timelines I have no way of crossing over to. Oh how I wish I could build a bridge to cross over to that happier life. Instead I’ve built a catapult to throw me across the river to watch from a distance the greener pastures that I’ll never have the opportunity to walk along. I used to. I no longer can. I can see her smile at me from there but the smile is different than what it used to be. The smile, showing she cares, but not how I want it to mean.

I told her about what would happen if and when I gave up on this life but I also told her that I will forever do what ever it takes to take care of her. It’s not right of me to say such things but it is how I feel. I love her so much. I haven’t stopped even when we separated. I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to want to stay but instead I drove the divide in her emotions for me. I only wish I could earn them back. I only wish to make her see me the way she used to. The one she loves and cherishes once more. To have and hold forever. I want to give that to her but instead I’m just a bane on her life.