I have no idea why I keep doing this to myself. I have no right to be hopeful, but instead I keep waiting and wanting to hear from her. See her. Wish that I was the first thing on her mind. Instead, she’s the first thing on my mind when I wake up. The first person I want to talk to when I wake up. It’s just, I had all of that. I had it and I’m still kicking myself in the ass that I ruined it all. ALL OF IT. Ughhh I fucking hate me.